He’s Not Mine, but My Heart Can’t be Someone Else’s Anymore
Glimpse on the value of pure love in an unfinished love story
Getting what you want is the ultimate stature of success, but losing what you want becomes a never ending cycle of pain and regret. A pain that never lets you live your life your way. Not necessarily you achieve what you want in life. You dream of something, but God has other plans for you. Maybe better, or may be something that you haven’t thought of.
The emotional stubborn heart
My heart cries with unexplainable feelings. It can’t be explained in words. When you silently cry it feels like something is stuck in your throat. You cry with your full heart without making a noise. You are afraid that if any sound comes out of your mouth it will be a screaming sound that could be heard from miles far.
You want to go to mountains and search for a cave, where you can hide and cry making sure nobody knows its you. You feel the bitterness while crying knowing its not easy to live with the thought that he is not yours anymore. But, who will explain it to the heart?; and, who will make my heart understand the reality?
What scares me is the thought that at one point you actually can’t fight your fate. I am always his, but he couldn’t be mine.
I lost him not because we were not meant for each other. But because we were not written for each other in our fates.
The unsaved purest form of love
Have you ever touched the water dropping from water falls?
The life currently feels that way. You know you can’t get the same water already touched once, but you can feel the purity of it throughout. You know what you touched and felt was meant to be yours, but it falling and becoming lost in nature was meant to be written that way too. Even if you wanted you couldn’t get hold of it. You were meant to be there to experience the pleasure, but just like water it had to go and not come back ever again.
The unintentional perfection
I sometimes wonder he was too perfect for me. Not because he was out of this world, or never said anything that didn’t hurt; instead, he was too pure that he was who he was, which made him out of this world; and, perfect for me
With him I felt being placed in heaven, where your heart experiences those bell rings, and your stomach feels the butterflies.
It’s been years the bells never rang, and the butterflies are lost somewhere. But, being aware of when and where they are gone still satisfies the heart. They are gone at the exact same place where my soul has when he left.
“You are too strong. You can go through this.” A lie my clever mind tells my silly innocent heart everyday.
Consequences of standing strong
The moment you stand strong feeling you can survive, it hits you hard in the face bringing back all the memories one fold after another. Not only does it not let you move forward, but instead, it takes you a few steps backward.
But the question at hand is: Is anyone aware of the sorrow and pain?
The answer is a big clear “No.” Not because you are too strong to live with it; but instead, you are so much in love that you don’t want people to judge you in any way for these emotions.
Pleasure of loss
Someone! Anyone! Give me the pleasure by asking me how I lost it? What you know how it feels to talk about it. It doesn’t hurt at all. It feeds the hunger in me. I can talk about it for hours and hours without stopping. I don’t want anyone to distract or interrupt me while talking.
At least this way I can go back to the memory lane, and imagine the importance and love felt at that time.
Missing puzzle piece
Having a puzzle of full pieces is fun to play with, but having a puzzle of missing piece stay incomplete regardless of how beautiful the picture turns out without the missing piece. Life convince you to see better future with every passing day, but your heart is not ready to accept the change. A mind might know how to live without a missing piece, but a heart will never like the picture without the lost piece.
Incompletion is permanent in that case.
“I don’t know how to live. This is a long life, and I don’t know how it will pass”, said the heart to convince the mind secretly.
God’s plans and your fight with fate
What God plans for you will make its way to you, and convince your mind that it’s best for you. The stupid heart will fight it back every single time, and win the battle with the same thought that “I can’t let it go.” BUT, you will always wonder “how” and “why” your heart wins all the time? This stubborn thought is the only reason that makes me stay where I am.
Cruel deadly feel of not being his, but considering him still mine.
If he’s not mine then why I cant fight the thought of letting him go? There is something mysterious. I believe that just like how you don’t choose to fall in love, same like that you are helpless to let it go as well. You can’t choose. Its from God that’s been put in your heart.
If its meant to leave your soul, it will. Otherwise it will stay with you forever.
Oh Yes! Time is cruel
Time never stops for anyone
It passes, and changes the day to night; and, brings back day the next morning adding challenges to your life to live with the passing time. You become busy with your routine. You don’t even get time to think about anything. But, when you spare a second for yourself from your busy routine you find yourself helpless having watery eyes shedding tears on your cheeks with something choking in your throat. Your brain feels a drum like it’s being beaten inside your mind, as if you are stuck in the middle of ice cold ocean without knowing how to swim. You suffer at the end regardless of what you feel, and what you go through.
But, you still know somehow “You” will get out of it. Lost and defeated.
